I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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