I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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