what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
