Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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