All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
