I am in a vortex of obligation.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
