Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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