Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
