my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i love accidental penises.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
