i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
