$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
