It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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