girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
