Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
