I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
