she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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