Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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