I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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