I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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