I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
