No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
