Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
