Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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