Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
