ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
