Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
