somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
