i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
