If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
