It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
