Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
