my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
