I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
