i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
operation harelip BJ is a go
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize