I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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