We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
