i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
