so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
