Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
