It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
