I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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