i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
