Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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