Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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