as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
