new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
