Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
