Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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