Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I want a musical about memes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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