So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
