yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
